For some reason, society expects that we learn from hardship. That we grow in some deep and meaningful way.
And when have learned and grown, we are expected to make a virtue of our growth and add to the pressure on everyone else to do the same. Maybe it’s society’s way of feeling better about other people’s suffering. In some magical way, if it’s making them a better person then it must be OK. We can look the other way until the butterfly emerges.
But if you don’t learn and grow or if your own journey hasn’t let you achieve it yet, you’re supposed to keep your head down. Keep quiet. Don’t rock the mythical boat.
All this does is add to the hardship. Not only are you going through a massively tough time, you’re supposed to be undergoing a deep and meaningful transformation leading to peace and enlightenment or some such. And if you’re not, then you begin to feel it must be your own fault for not making the most of the opportunity. Opportunity? I think not.
For those who have grown, who have achieved remarkable things despite and in many cases because of their personal hardship, very well done indeed. I’m very happy for you. Genuinely.
Sometimes though, what is really needed is compassion and understanding. An acceptance that not everyone can excel. Just think about it, if everyone did excel, then it wouldn’t be excelling would it? It would be ordinary.
Sometimes, just dealing with it and struggling to hold yourself together is all you can do.
Katherine finds herself in just such a position. Read her blog. You’ll see what I mean.
Sometimes, it’s important to let the world know that what it expects isn’t fair.
And maybe just be there in case you can help.