Coughs and sneezes

I’ve been fighting a cold for 3 days and now that it’s at its peak, the central-heating’s packed up. Typical.
According to theory, this is an opportunity.

Really?

Difficulties are easy to find. My immediate challenge? I have to keep away from my hospitalised daughter. Heavily immunosuppressed, a cold ridden parent does not a welcome visitor make. Tough but there you are. Gill’s having to take it all on. Again.

What’s love got to do with it? Every damn thing.

Anyway in the work/cold balance of the last few days, I decided to let the slight-edge habits drift. And to keep doubling them up so that I would be on back track as soon as practicable.
It could have been the start of a long-term slide but in accepting it as my decision, the responsibility stays firmly in my own backyard and I keep control.

As it turns out, a bad cold (trust me, it’s pretty nasty) is an opportunity to practice. It provides essential feedback. An opportunity to find out whether I’m at least a little serious about my intention to be in charge of my own fate.
To accept the risk that I might fail despite my best efforts.
To take the risk that I might succeed even though I don’t know what success looks like yet.

And the upshot of all this?
Well, to paraphrase a good book:

Feel the Sneeze…
And do it anyway.

It isn't easy © Tony Burkinshaw 2013

It isn’t easy
© Tony Burkinshaw 2013

…and the plumber turned up in good order. We have heat.

Plan? What plan?

I love it when new learnings lend themselves to practical issues. (Note the nominalisation, a concept my spell check still struggles with).

Complex therapy took place today.

Not the event itself, rather the immense internal barriers to a meaningful reframe. So with new found skills in hand, a neat segway into gestalt flowed seamlessly into words being spoken and forgiveness being freely offered and accepted.

It was really interesting to watch the therapy unfold as it followed apparently carefully planned off-the-cuff statements linking directly into the brains unconscious algorithms. When the time for resolution, the barriers simply had no option but to collapse and allow the reframe in.

Sunshine and light.
Calm where there used to be broken chaos and hate.

I love it when a plan comes together.

And it wasn’t even my plan?

pain relief mp3

Somewhat Zen
© Tony Burkinshaw 2014

The Choice Option

There’s a glimpse of sunshine. Perhaps two.

Option 1:

Here we go again. Dare to hope or hunker down and wait for the punch that’s always turned up so far.
Every time it’s improved, it’s turned around and slapped us.
Hard.
It’s beyond us. Out of our control.
Life just keeps on happening to us.

Option 2:

Every time it felt like we can’t carry on, there’s been hope. Something has come along and lifted our spirits. A new fact. Uncovering a way of looking at the problem, which gives pause for thought. Get’s the medics thinking again. Trying something new. Adjusting the balance.
Whatever comes along, we’re up to it.
We have to be.
No. It’s more than that.
We choose to be.

External Locus of Control vs. Internal Locus of Control

Simple.
Not easy.

I’ve made my choice.

Enough said.

It's a delicate balance © Tony Burkinshaw 2013

It’s a delicate balance
© Tony Burkinshaw 2013

The Certificated Wizard

Maybe the tides have turned. For the first time in many weeks, we had a day in the same city. The hospital visit was only 15 minutes away and we even had the space to walk into town for a well-earned coffee/Panini. The sun was shining.

Not only that, since 9.30 there’s only been us in the house. We might even make it to the pub this evening.

On a different note, I’m considering a re-think on the Slight Edge habits. It’s come to my attention that I’m not feeding my Humour & Playfulness key character strength sufficiently well.

Jan, god love her, sent my Master Practitioner Certificate with a fun twist playing on my daughter’s conviction that I’m now officially a wizard. It exercised my playful instincts as I sadly realised that I’m not the kind of therapist who’d have a Wizard Certificate on his wall. Not in this universe anyway.

With the limits of playfulness duly stretched and tested, it occurs to me that I’ve stopped listening to music. So I’m writing this post listening to Uptown Special at reasonable volume on the Mac. I forget how much difference it can make.

So if I decide to switch one of my Slight Edge habits for listening to out-loud music, which should it be? In no particular order, here they are. One of them has to make room:

  • Read 10 pages of something interesting
  • Meditate for at least 10 minutes
  • Exercise: raised heart rate for at least 5 minutes (I’m starting from a low base again)
  • Write 100 words or more
  • Keep a list of the day’s positive events

Which one gets shouldered out of the way so I can get to the front once more?

My life needs more noise.

stress anxiety depression

just waiting for the Pizza
© Tony Burkinshaw 2013

Gill just came up and closed the door…

Kindness, Chaos & Satchmo

This could be good. Not only will you get the eponymous mash up triple bill, you’ll be thrown into the phenomenon of Origami Space Travel. Intrigued? Read on…

As you know, I write the random Acts of Kindness column for Perception, the Cognitive Hypnotherapy ezine and this particular missive was fun. I trust you’ll enjoy the ride.

Let’s kick off with a cliché.

When you’re smiling, the whole world smiles with you.

Clichés have cropped up more than once in this section and for good reason. Clichés become clichés because they’re phrases that somehow repeatedly best capture the moment and it’s rather pleasing to find out just how much this seems to be true out there in the land of reciprocating kindnesses and ever widening smiles.

This particular cliché comes from the classic song, ‘When You’re Smiling, (The Whole World Smiles With You)’. Apparently we have that renowned trio of songwriters Clay, Fisher & Goodwin to thank for penning this great piece of musicality. Of course without Louis Armstrong’s unique voice making it famous we may never have heard of it. He even managed to keep in line with our cliché theme because it was so good he did it twice. But then of course, as all Armstrong fans will know he went and recorded it again in 1959, so actually it was so good he did it thrice.

Whatever the case, this started me thinking and lead my tangential creativity to wander, (and it’s good to wonder, as all you Cog-Hyppies know). Just to make sure that this was absolutely going to happen, Editor Tina checked in and nudged me in the direction of Butterfly Effects and Chaos Theory.

So here we go: Chaos, Kindness and Satchmo. I did warn you…”

 

You can read the full article on page 14 of the following link: Perception ezine

Just in case you’re interested, you can jump straight to Origami Space Travel here: Click to Jump!

hypnotherapy mp3

Calmly chaotic
© Tony Burkinshaw 2014

Special offer on ‘Now’

There was a time when I brewed and tasted beer for a living. If it weren’t for one of those forks in the trousers of time so to speak, then I might still be doing something similar to this very day. To be fair, I am, it’s just that I no longer receive financial reward for my efforts.

It occurs to me that there’s a difference between those far off days and my current more meagre brews and socially adapted taste buds. It’s not simply that back then I had yet to uncover the trials, tribulations, successes and delights that the intervening period was to bring. Nor that nowadays I tend to ferment fruit rather than grain, though on occasion the wine does actually taste pretty damn good, (although unfortunately every now and then, it tastes pretty damn poor and finds its way drainwards more directly than the circuitous route the good tasting stuff traditionally takes).

Which brings me to my point, unusually quickly it has to said.

It’s all a matter of taste.

Back in the day, when it was part of my role to join the daily taste panel in one of the largest breweries in Europe and pass judgement on numerous brews, I knew what I was doing. There are a stunning number of potential flavours in, well everything, when you know how to find them. And many of those potential flavours tell you a lot about what’s going on in the beer. So it pays to focus.

If a beer is good, it’s important to know what makes it good so that it can be replicated more often. And importantly, if it isn’t as good as it might be, what’s caused it. Especially as depending on the cause, it might be destined for those drains, (albeit far larger ones than my wines occasionally find their way into), or it just might be that the particular problem has an opposite in another brew, neither of which are perfect on their own but their particular deficiencies or excesses can combine to even out or enhance each other so that the blended result is, well, bang on.

This requires an attention to tasting detail that we seldom use unless we frequent some very particular taste-panel-esque environments. It requires us to concentrate our attention onto the extraordinary variety of experience that our senses really can pick up and alert us to.

A lot of the taste is in the aroma. And, weirdly, in the appearance. And the texture. It’s a proper multi-sense extravaganza. And yes, this is beer we’re talking about.

We almost always miss this. Unless there is a very specific requirement to do so, we prefer to go for the overall experience. The sum total of the tastes, rather than being interested in the underlying flavours which make up the whole. It tends to be the preserve of experts.

We don’t deconstruct flavours or aromas or music or painting  or plays or comedy. We just experience the effects that it brings as a whole. We like it or we dislike it. We want it again or try avoid it in the future. But we don’t really know why. We just do.

It’s like that with emotions.

We experience the emotion and react accordingly, shaping our lives and relationships. We rarely focus on the complexities that drive the emotion, so we miss what it is trying to alert us to. We treat the emotion as if it were a problem to be solved by our 21st century brain, existing as we do in a world of primarily cerebral rather than physical challenges. We seem to have lost the innate ability to, for want of a better phrase, deal with our feelings.

This is what mindful awareness, usually reduced simply to ‘mindfulness‘, is all about. Taking the time and effort to experience the different component parts of what we are actually experiencing. Not to pass judgement or to find a way to do something about it, just to become fully aware of what is going on with us at that very moment.

Emotions want us to feel. That’s why they’re there. Their purpose is not to drive us to think about how to solve a problem, rather they try to get us to experience the problem. It turns out that simply by learning to turn our attention onto Now, we dramatically improve our ability to cope, not just mentally but physically too. Even the structure of our brains can change as a result. Just by focussing on Now. By becoming aware. (By the way, did you notice the triple homophonic homonym? It’s surprising what you notice when you try).

It’s as though a fundamental part of us has been forgotten and allowed to atrophy through lack of use, drastically affecting our health. So I would highly recommend  that you spend some time learning how to reawaken your natural awareness. Getting back in touch with what is actually happening, right Here, right Now, [as an aside, those of you who are particularly aware and dedicated followers, you’ll know that both the Fat Boy and Mr Davies have been here before].

If you don’t re-awaken, you might just spend the rest of your life worrying about a future that hasn’t happened because of a past that is no longer there, falling foul of the Born Under Punches lyric: Don’t you miss it. Don’t you miss it. Some of you people just about missed it. You can always rely on David for a good turn of phrase.

As you might expect, I’d love to help. So, if you have 10 minutes a day to spare (yes that’s all you’d need – that and an mp3 player), simply click on the link below and take your first steps into the world of mindful awareness. There are two Mindfulness mp3s. One is a first step into Mindfulness Meditation, the other is Mindfulness for Anxiety. They’re both good.

To save you having to choose, the ‘bundle’ of both mp3s is available at half price to WP readers for the rest of this week (until 18th May). Just use the code WPMAY50.

If you have any questions at all, don’t hesitate to ask me.

Live life in the moment…

LINKS

Mindfulness MP3 Bundle: (Use the code WPMAY50): Click Here

Related Post: Be Mindful of what you know

Mindfulness mp3

Keeping It All Inside
© Tony Burkinshaw 2014

 

Banging the Paper Drum

Every now and then, you feel a sense of pride and wonder.

My daughter, Rachael, has just released her first EP ‘Paper Drum’. I know I’m biased but it is pretty damn good.

I don’t usually use this blog to promote music but there’s a nepotistic streak in us all, so I know you’ll forgive me; especially once you’ve listened. I’d love to know what you think of it & so would she.

Check out her promotional video below

The EP is available on iTunes or to stream on Spotify.

…I can’t stop smiling…

Musical Links

Click here to watch the promotional video: Devil Shoes Live

Click here to listen to Paper Drum on Spotify

Paper Drum © Vinum

Paper Drum
© Vinum 2014

Resolving to change. Better?

Its appears that all the work I’ve been doing these last many months in order to create an effective background awareness is beginning to bear fruit. The balance is shifting.

New clients are finding out about me and more importantly, getting in touch. Training is beginning to shift towards Learning: Who you are affects how you Learn. It seems obvious when you think about it but until you think about it isn’t. People are beginning to think. I’m even coaching and therapising (made up word) via Skype as I have long hoped to do. It really is coming together.

There have been some really tricky issues to help client find their solution to. It’s challenging and very rewarding.

And sometimes amusing. The capacity of the human brain to find sideways metaphors to communicate with itself is astounding. Imagine sitting in the therapist chair as a client opens their eyes and smiling hugely, declares:

‘You will NEVER guess where I’ve just been! I’ve just been in a wheel-barrow, being pushed across a high-wire strung perilously above Niagara Falls by a world-famous hire-wire dare-devil!’ [With kind permission of the client]

Why? To learn trust, apparently.

And who was the world-famous hire-wire chappie? Jesus! Well why not? After all, He’s probably got a great sense of balance and a head for heights. And not a bad teacher, by all accounts.

And the truly astounding part? The client came up with the imagery entirely unprompted. That’s the fascination with non proscriptive hypnotic language. It frees the client to work with their own imagination. It’s incredibly powerful. All it takes is a carefully crafted and somewhat skilfully applied nudge in the right direction. Nudge theory? Maybe.

You’ll no doubt be aware that a slice of the work to create fertile ground to enable clients to think of me when they need help is my monthly mental-health well-being column in one of our city magazines, ‘Only Peterborough’.

January’s article focussed, a little traditionally perhaps, on that phenomenon of New Year Resolutions and why some work and others don’t, sometimes because the timing is wrong or the resolution is just too big. Sometimes they fail because of a lack of support through the inevitable self-sabotage that goes hand in hand with best intentions.

Here’s what I had to say:

Changing for the Better               

It’s that time of year again. Christmas and New Year have been and gone, the fun and festivities are over and the world is full of opportunity. It’s the traditional time to start afresh with life-changing resolutions, which some go on to achieve with envy-inducing ease.

But for many of us, New Year’s Resolutions fade away into best intentions and we carry on just as we were before. So why are some New Year Resolutions successful whilst others fail?

Perhaps it’s the type of resolution you choose. Adding good habits can succeed more often than stopping bad ones. Maybe this is why the most popular 2013 Resolution was reading more books but stopping smoking was only 26th.

Another trick is sharing the effort. To change a habit, your free-will has to wrestle your Unconscious mind. Given that your Unconscious controls your habitual decisions, this is a tough fight! Exercising with a friend or taking that lunchtime walk with a colleague can make all the difference, sharing the mental effort as well as the Resolution.

Be precise. If you want to ‘lose weight’, how much do you need to lose? By deciding to ‘lose 10 lbs in 4 weeks’ you can measure your success. If you only manage 7 lbs, that’s success too. Think of it like passing with 70%. All progress is positive.

The key point is this: Your Unconscious uses habits to keep you safe or bring you comfort and it really doesn’t want to change. So if you don’t keep your New Year Resolution, it’s just that your Unconscious stills needs to be convinced that you’re right. If this you, then the support of someone trained to help is invaluable.

And once you look, you might be surprised at the help you can find.

See you soon?

RELATED

Only Peterborough magazine: website

Tony Burkinshaw Cognitive Hypnotherapy: website

Learning Coaching: What’s it all about?

Hypnotherapy MP3 Downloads: Pain Relief; Migraine Relief; Healing; Relaxation; Mindfulness

If you want to talk to me or ask any questions about what I do, please feel free to email me at: tony@tonyburkinshaw.co.uk

hypnosis mp3,

Next Steps?
© Tony Burkinshaw 2014

Be mindful of the moment. That’s life.

There’s been a bit of a lull in the proceedings. There’s been a lot of time and a lot of effort put in although looking back quite a bit of that effort wasn’t productive. You know the sort of thing. Thinking about what to do. Considering options. Mindful about which option to act on first. Getting anxious because the options that have been pursued haven’t come to fruition yet.

Too much talk. Not enough action. Not like me at all, is it?

But if what I’ve earned is anything to go by, what I think is going on isn’t what is really going on. It’s what my brain has let me see, carefully filtered through its multiple reality tunnels to ensure that the view of the world that I get is the view of the world I expect to see. By the way, having spent the earlier part of last year thinking my preferred rep systems were Audio Digital and Kinaesthetic in equal measure, you might have noticed how my long winded diatribes tend to err on the visual. The more I peel off the layers, the more I see. See what I mean? Weird. I guess it’s what you might call growth.

Anyway, much of what I’ve done has been behind the scenes, deep level groundwork for the future. And it’s revealed some really interesting aspects of my work which I guess are going to change the structure of what I do.

As time has passed, I find myself less engaged with fertility issues. This is both from a personal perspective in that my initial interest in this area, ringing bells from as far back as my human biology O-Level, (as those exams used to be called back in the dim and distant), has waned somewhat and whilst I would still love to work with fertility clients as and when they come along, it isn’t something that I now feel any passion to actively pursue. There is also the not-so-minor factor that very few clients seem to want to talk to me about it. Maybe one feeds the other. Quite likely really.

On the other hand, I find more and more that the things I think, say and do around pain, especially chronic pain, persistent migraine and so on, resonate with people around me. And it seems to be having an effect. The neuropathy of pain is fascinating as are the psychological issues that can both cause and feed it. It seems to me as if Cognitive Hypnotherapy was designed to wrap up the science together with each individual’s personal experience and re-work it, re-programming the various unconscious minds involved to re-think their position, if you’ll pardon the multitudinous use of re, until the need to use pain as a protective warning bell becomes redundant. It takes some persuasion to convince the unconscious mindset but time is one our side. An unconscious that’s convinced itself of chronic is in it for the long haul. Small steps. Big changes.

I’ve posted a couple of times on the combination of Hypnotherapy and NLP techniques and my many (many, many) years of experience developing people in Financial Services. Isn’t it strange how with all this education, people quite simply haven’t learned how to learn. In my own small way, I aim to change this. Oddly, the next most active person I know of in this field lives only a few miles up the road from me. I initially thought this was a distinct disadvantage but the more I let it ferment in my sometimes fertile mind, the more I think this could be an invaluable opportunity. I have no idea how as yet but it sits there smiling at me. Perhaps we should talk. What do you think?

I’ve also found myself speaking with some inspiring individuals. Sue made an appearance here last week and in between times I’ve been to see Kate, an ad-hoc acquaintance from the gym who, as it turned out is not only a hypnotherapist but teaches people to fire-walk of all things. All of a sudden, one of those ambitions that never really was an ambition just a something that you might have done had you lived another life has slammed itself down on my time-line. I just can’t picture it yet, thereby giving more confirmation of the visual, just in case you felt the need for more. Sounds good, doesn’t it? (Did you notice what I did there?)

So now that the 4 year old with the fear of rejection has made himself heard again, thoughts keep spinning their way around and every now and then I hear the distinct clunk of important changes slotting themselves into a more secure place.

For reasons which will become apparent in a few weeks, I’ve been looking more and more at mindfulness.It has been a useful piece of research. The shouts from the past are getting quieter and I can pay them attention much more on my terms rather than theirs. It is also more noticeable that the scenarios my quite active imagination was in the habit of playing out around how my future could fall apart at a moment’s notice have quietened down too. They’re still there and they’re still stronger than I would like them to be but day by day, the focus I place on the now is taking hold.

By pure coincidence, right at this moment, my headphones are singing to me that;

‘It’s hard to imagine

That nothing at all

Could be so exciting

Could be this much fun…’.

Mindfulness. All those years ago. No wonder they were (and still are) my all time favourite. Not only that, my daughter Rachael went to see David on Tuesday. Jealous? Who me?

Actually, much to my surprise, I wasn’t. I was delighted.

With new views on life I sat down with Katherine and re-worded the website last week. It should go live within a couple of days. I can’t wait. The wording is less, well, wordy. I haven’t found the visuals I want yet but I’ll keep looking and they can get added in later. I’m trying out a different take on fees as well. Times are tough and I want to be more accessible than perhaps I have been. First session free. Discuss fees when potential clients have had a chance to talk to me and find out more about what they would actually be paying for. It might put the fee more into context. Words on screens are less able to achieve that.

All in all, much change is afoot. There are things to do. Fears to overcome.

The past has had its go. The future is out there, waiting.

And after all I’ve learned, I find that I’m happy being right here, right now.

Enjoying the present for what it really is:

My life.

Related Websites:

Tony Burkinshaw Cognitive Hypnotherapy

Hypnotherapy mp3 downloads: Relief for Chronic Pain Conditions / Migraine Relief

How effective are these mp3s?

Mindful moment, hypnotherapy mp3

Is this now or was it then?

‘The pick of the bunch’ Awards

Someone I have the occasional short commentersation with on WordPress and a deservedly popular blog I choose to follow because it always makes me smile, Ajaytao has offered me the pick of his bunch of Awards. To tell you the truth, I’m flattered he notices what I do.

Given that following rules isn’t really his style, these awards come with no strings attached, no linkbacks to others.

So with just a good old-fashioned thank you, these are the Awards: